David Cameron will claim today that uncontrolled immigration has undermined some British communities.
I know the first response from most of our readers here will be “No shit, how is he just realizing this now?” Well as it turns out there is a very good reason why PM Cameron seems to be playing catch up these days.
Very few people are aware that Mr. Cameron was involved in a bizarre and near fatal yoga accident in the summer of ’03. According to the yoga instructor Huggi Sweetgrass the class was practicing the inversion exercise halasana or plow pose when she heard a gasp from some of the class. She looked up to see that Mr Cameron had somehow managed to lodge his head up his rectum. “I was astounded” says Ms. Sweetgrass. “While some from the class rushed to his aid [Mr Cameron] I phoned casualty services but got an answering machine. I then noticed it was tea time. There would be no answer for at least half an hour so I left a quick message and returned to the class to tell them the bad news.”
But all was not lost.
One of the other yoga members [ Nigel Williams] was also an avid scuba diver and when the attempts to free Mr Cameron were unsuccessful he ran to his car and retrieved a snorkel. He then managed to position the gear allowing Mr Cameron to breath thus saving his life.
About an hour and a half after tea time Mr Cameron was rushed to hospital where surgeons tried in vain to remove his head from his ass. Unfortunately there were more complications. Dr. Anikulapo Okowsogie explained what happened next. “The whole thing was very strange” says Dr. Okowsogie, “When we tried to free the gentleman from his troubles we noticed that the man had no spine. So it was like pulling on jello. We tried also an air compressor and electric shock, but with no success.”
It then took another four and a half years of calcium and stem cell injections before Mr. Cameron’s spine grew strong enough to yank him from the foul prison he was trapped in.
So before the reader tears into Mr. Cameron for seeming to be oblivious to the previous years of mass immigration remember this story and have a little compassion.
THE TELEGRAPH…In his most forthright speech on the issue since he became Prime Minister, he will say that mass immigration has led to “discomfort and disjointedness” in neighbourhoods because some migrants have been unwilling to integrate or learn English.
Pledging to cut the numbers entering Britain to tens of thousands, rather than hundreds of thousands, Mr Cameron will say that “for too long, immigration has been too high”. Continue Reading →
