I must say I don’t know how Grace does it. I would need (as she suggests) an antacid to read this particular Islam Questions and Answers site but I would also want at least a set of hip waders and to be frank I would prefer a full hazmat suit. Here is a Muslim religious councilor advising that it is better for a young girl to risk death at her families hands than cause them dishonor by running away. Isn’t it also odd that Muslims are always claiming that so called ‘Honor killings’ are a tribal thing and not part of Islam at all but yet its constantly referred to as an aspect of the religion.
Thanks Grace. Maybe some readers of Vlad will help pay for the anti emetics you must need after reading this site.
She wants to run away from her father who hits her
I would be grateful if u answer my problem.my 16 year old female cousin lives currently in the us with her parents & older brother.as due to the country’s law no one can hurt her,but her family is planning to go to their homeland for a visit & she is sure that her father will hit her & her mother,as he did before,or marry her of without her consent.her father’s side of the family will do nothing & her brother joins in hitting her.i or my family can do nothing to stop this.she is so sure that they will abuse her that she plans to runaway prior to their departure,live with a female friend & never return.i told her that this is against our relegion but she wiling to take the risk of living on the street than being alone with her father.if i tell my family she will never trust me.only u can tell me what a muslim girl is to do.please reply before its to late.
Praise be to Allaah.
It is not permissible for your cousin to run away from her family and live with another family, because that involves disobeying her parents and upsetting them and damaging their reputation. Moreover her living with a strange family will pose a great danger to her and her religious commitment.
No matter how badly she is treated by her family, that cannot compare with what she is planning to do. No woman follows this course but she goes astray and loses her religious commitment. That is the punishment for disobeying her parents that comes in this world, before the Hereafter. The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Two things for which the punishment is hastened in this world: injustice and disobedience to parents.” Narrated by al-Haakim and classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Jaami’, no. 2810.
She may come to regret it at the time when regret will be to no avail, when her father or mother dies angry with her.
So she must go back to her family and honour her father and treat him kindly. If he causes some annoyance let her bear it with patience and seek reward. She should understand that the fire of this world is not like the Fire of the Hereafter, and that no matter what hardships she endures in this world, if she earns the pleasure of Allaah and enters Paradise, she will indeed have succeeded, and no matter what comforts of this life she enjoys, if she then incurs the wrath of Allaah and enters His Fire, she will indeed be doomed.
She should regard the harm that her family does her as being like a sickness that cannot be warded off. She does not know, perhaps she may suffer diseases and pains that are many times worse than that harm, as a punishment for her disobedience and her living with someone other than her family.
She should strive to make du’aa’ and turn to Allaah, asking Him to guide her parents and her brother, and to help her to find a righteous husband.
If her parents insist on marrying her to someone who is not suitable for her, she may refer the matter to the sharee’ah court; the same applies if her father refuses to marry her to a compatible man who comes to propose marriage to her.
She does not have the right to arrange her own marriage without the permission of her wali (guardian). If she does that her marriage is invalid because the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “There is no marriage except with a wali.” Narrated by Abu Dawood, 2085; al-Tirmidhi, 1101; Ibn Maajah, 1881, from the hadeeth of Abu Moosa al-Ash’ari; classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Tirmidhi.
And the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Any woman who gets married without the permission of her wali, her marriage is invalid, her marriage is invalid, her marriage is invalid. If the marriage has been consummated, the mahr is hers because she has allowed the man to be intimate with her. If there is a dispute, then the ruler is the wali of the one who has no wali.” Narrated by Ahmad, 24417; Abu Dawood, 2083; classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh al-Jaami’, no. 2709.
The point is that you should strive to advise your cousin of what we have said here. If she insists on running away from her family, you have to tell them about that, so as to prevent this great evil from happening, even if that leads to her not trusting you in the future. Denouncing evil is obligatory upon the one who is able to do it, and what you do will be good for her.
Her father should also be advised and reminded of Allaah, and warned against mistreating his children unlawfully. This is the kind of wrongdoing which will be darkness on the Day of Resurrection.
And Allaah knows best.