on being a bully or being a boy…….but I have a daughter

So Now I have another dilemma here in sunny Kalifornia. My beautiful 11 yr. old daughter is having trouble with a certain cretin er boy at school. Now clearly this kid is a moron, but basically he keeps on bugging my kid, by saying she is too short for this and too short for that,,and hiding her backpack, and all kinds of other stuff boys do on a regular basis. Course this has been going on since T-rex first teased T-oprah. So we tell my sweetheart, hey ignore him, don’t let what he says get to you, and if you really want it to stop, do not encourage him by retaliating in kind. It makes him think he likes you etc etc…Now this is painful, cause it does seem to bug her and being a parent, one hates to se your kid in a state of confusion, ,…buuuuuuuuuuuut   he is a BOY, and in fact sometimes  “boys will be boys” Uh-oh  I may have crossed a line there, but shit …

             Well, all this would be a minor problem, except yesterday the powers that be sent a psychologist to school to tell us parents how to deal with bullies….and of course teasing was tops on the list of  indicators of future terrorism.  The pussification of Amerika.  But of course all of our friends have daughters and they are all on board with a school policy of no tolerance, so as usual I am stumped as to what to do. I want my kid to toughen up, they want her to never have to hear an unkind word. 

    If any of you out there have suggestions, or comments, I am open to both help and criticism. But this is how they are gonna change the future….from within.   yours (with no bullying intended)

charles

  

One Reply to “on being a bully or being a boy…….but I have a daughter”

  1. Charles, I empathize with your dilemma. My daughter, also 11, has had her share of taunts and teases from the boy and the girl set. Playgrounds are rife with scorn, ridicule, anxiety and tears perpetrated by both genders.

    I also provide similar advice ” don’t give them the time of day” or, ” poke your tongue out and turn your back”. After much thought and a thorough scan of playground politics (including the antics of micro-managing Mum’s), this works quite well. Kids usually are quite adept at sorting out their differences if left alone to do so. Arseholery in the schoolyard can be dealt with effectivly without the neurotic interference of beurocrats.

    Like Kalifornia, Kanada has its share of irrational leftists and no where is it more prevalent than in the education system. For example, last year my son was scolded at recess for not using the “four finger rule” while playing tag. According to the “educators” a child must not include his/her thumb when tagging another child. Why? because that would be deemed overly aggressive. Boys will be boys……. I guess without their thumbs. Of course, the girls playing tag were exempt from this “rule”. Are their hands weaker?

    The powers that be, do both our daughters and my son a terrible disservice when they insist that youthful conflict is to be avoided and intercepted by a hovering acedemia. Independance grows with challenge. We should not confuse self-confidence with the notion of a dependant, misguided self-esteem. And by removing the risk, is the underlying message really that our girls are somehow incapable of applying their own judgment?. By the same token, is the message to boys that they represent the male brute, a negative and imposing calamity to be reinvented?

    Gender discrimination has finally achieved equal status.

    I advise both of my children to defend themselves honestly in a top-heavy, politically correct environment and to rely upon themselves first. Not an easy go in this “pussified” climate but well worth the initial anxiety and ongoing effort. Go with your heart and your gut. Just don’t expect an invitation to the next PTA.

    Grace

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