About Eeyore

Canadian artist and counter-jihad and freedom of speech activist as well as devout Schrödinger's catholic

6 Replies to “Attempts at utopia typically yield this:”

  1. It’s easy to forget that other great socialist experiment carved from the northern woods. Millions were summoned by its Dear Leader to share in its bounty of valuable rocks. Yes rocks. “Our rocks are your rocks, Africa. Our priviledge is your priviledge.” And they came. And life was good.

    When Dear Leader spoke in public he forewarned his followers to don their government-issued sunglasses before he smiled, lest they be blinded by the sparkle of his teeth. Sometimes his Queen sang to their subjects like a beautiful bird, lulling them to sonant bliss with her mellifluent voice.

    “We love you all so, so much,” Dear Leader and his Queen would say. One time he shed a single teardrop. The public broadcaster swooned. A minion caught the teardrop and called it magic.

    Dear Leader made sure the people got plenty of marijuana and food. They were content and docile. Young people with latent psychological weaknesses ended up in looney bins because of the dope. To express empathy Dear Leader showed the world his Daffy Duck socks and misty eyes. In schools the children were taught to be kind and sensitive. Real lessons such as math, science, history and geography were manifestations of an evil white patriarchy and abolished. These were replaced by lessons on how to create a world without countries, how to give back stolen lands to noble natives, and how to change the country’s demographics into one beautiful brown hue. “We’ll just call ourselves Bombay Fudge and make a national holiday!” joked one enthusiastic grade 9 teacher. Children who questioned this orthodoxy were beaten by other children or banished. All children who disagreed were called racist, disruptive, violent, and forced into supplemental reeducation classes. White children, particularly males, were lectured about their white male privilege.

    “Embracing our differences makes us better,” Dear Leader would say. “With great weakness comes great strength. The further we distance ourselves from what made this country great, the greater we will be!”

    Sometimes at night as he lay in bed Dear Leader gave speeches. The crowd always roared and applauded its approval. It struck him how much this sound of mass applause was like the sound a urinal flushing in an echoey public washroom. Sometimes he felt like Jesus.

    Quickly the country changed. The deep, dark human river flooded the country on his invitation. People noticed but said little. Those who expressed the smallest concerns were singled out by the ever-loving culture. They were spoken to like children even though they were all grown up. “These are not our values,” he would say. “Off with your proverbial heads, unbelievers! Your values are what I say they are!” he thundered like a great, angry lavaless volcano.

    Finally, the people who toiled in silence got sick and tired. These were the people mostly of European descent who placed their own earned capital at risk in hopes of reward. They were mostly small business people, not pizza joint operators or taxi drivers. No, mostly they built things, taking rocks out of the ground and adding value to them, then selling the value-added rocks for profit. It was hard work. Profit became a dirty word in paradise.

    Dear Leader’s utopia became too expensive. The deep dark river of human capital turned out to be useless, expensive and violent. Dear Leader raised taxes. The working people left in large numbers. They became a white river. It was a great replacement. Dear Leader was told by his court advisors that this was good. In his head he heard urinals flushing.

    One day a loyal advisor told Dear Leader that he could save the planet. If only he snuffed out the country’s eternal flame and replaced it with an eternal LED lightbulb, the loyal advisor explained. You’d show people that we can survive without evil hydrocarbons and you’ll be a hero. It will be a symbolic triumph.

    It was also the sad, symbolic end of the country.



    • Eternal flame – A time to mourn.

      At least it inspired a story for us kids. The more scary the times, the better the stories.
      After. Toasting marshmallows over a campfire.

  2. Someone else may have posted it also bit I did send it to you, current events made me forget about it until I saw the post.

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